We had our yearly all-district meeting the other day to kick off the new school year. As is the norm for these sort of meetings, there is a guest speaker who delivers a message on some sort of topic of focus for the coming year. This year’s topic was building relationships, and one of the main points of discussion was loneliness and the detrimental effect it has on the overall well being of the person.
Bet you had no clue I could use big words, huh?
All joking aside, it’s very easy to simply dismiss this as new-school hippie millennial emo psychobabble, or whatever term you like. I will admit as I listened my first instinct was to holler, “well if people would just put down the damn phone, or whatever device they’re on.” However, my adult self told my inner 16 year old to sit down, be respectful, and listen. Happily, my inner 16 year old complied….somewhat.
But I digress.
I don’t know that my conscious self heard everything, but the unconscious part held onto the words and allowed them to percolate over the next couple days. Perhaps it is due to recent realizations on my part, but this message of how painful loneliness can be really struck a chord. We have been so conditioned by society to be glued to a phone or some such device almost all the time. How many times do we see people watching inane videos of people doing lame stuff? How many times do we see these carefully curated photos of people trying to get more likes (read: attention) from their “public”? There are kids running around stating they want to be a YouTube influencer when they grow up. Uh…..what?
It seems that in this world of being constantly on and engaged, we really aren’t. I have social media accounts and this blog, so I’m not trying to be the pot calling the kettle black. My point is that how many of us begin to crave the attention, the likes, to feel complete? But how complete is it? Do you know everyone who is a “friend” on your social media page? When was the last time you truly felt you had an honest, engaged conversation with a friend, or anyone for that matter, really? Yes, I use social media to keep track of people I felt a meaningful connection with; as a result, yes I do know everyone I’ve “friended.”
But back to the apparent loneliness epidemic.
It is entirely possible to be in a crowded room and be lonely. It is entirely possible to be Mom of the Year and be lonely. It is entirely possible to be Wonder Spouse and be lonely. Loneliness isn’t just an emotion for introverts, extroverts can also feel it. What it boils down to is overall engagement and feeling like there is a connection, and honest and caring connection, that is made. This goes beyond the usual, “Hey, how was your day? Fine, thanks.” exchange we often toss out. Think back to the last time someone honestly complimented you on something, offered positive constructive criticism, mentored you, talked to you in a way that you truly felt they cared. Think back to how you felt and maybe even how you went about your day afterward. I’m not saying these things have to be deep, philosophical navel gazing exercises; it is entirely possible to have silly conversations about things but still make that personal connection. I can do the deep, focused, serious conversations; I’m also notorious for popping in with random silly things when the mood may just call for it.
Where I’m going with this is that we can all do better with each other. We all get busy with our lives and lose sight of things, it’s so easy to do. However, it seems that the end result is that we have created optimal conditions for loneliness to grow. Let’s not become those people who wonder if anyone would care when we’re gone. Let’s not become those people who just wish that someone, anyone, would notice them and make them feel like they have value. Let’s not become those people who are so damn busy they forget how to connect with another on a more than superficial level.
Let’s do as Bill and Ted suggested: “Be excellent to each other.”
